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Men vs. #Notallmen

Writing about social issues for over seven years has offered femonomic an insight into the most common reactions by triggered men.

#Notallmen takes the cake. NAMALT

We love that. It gives us a reason, keeps us going, and proves our point.

Discussions about violence, equity, and freedom make men feel guilty, uncomfortable, and defensive. Whenever womxn talk about harassment, rape culture, sexist experiences, feeling unsafe, or statistics around discrimination or violence, men, sometimes respond by parroting the “not all men.” Like, “not all men harass womxn” or “not all men are violent.”

Same men who say #notallmen are the first ones to say ‘men will be men.’ Decide, no! Come to think of it, #notallmen is used only when women talk about rape culture, sexism, or violence, while ‘men will be men’ is used to justify the wrongs of men. 

And, there’s more.

If #allwomxn you know have faced sexual violence or assault in one way or another, then it should not be controversial to ask why ‘men’ continue to perpetuate this culture.

Of course, we KNOW #notallmen are rapists. Nobody hates men. It’s the rapists, abusers, and pedophiles who are targeted. Nobody thinks good people are evil. 

What #notallmen does?

#NotAllMen doesn’t help. It doesn’t contribute or develop in some way to the conversation. All it does is derail and ignore womxn and their livid experiences. And what the men who jump to inform us that “not all men are like that” are really saying is, “I’m not like that.” Simply saying #notallmen neither changes her experience nor helps her get her out of the traumas. 

Specify #notallmen. Feed my ego, please. Or I’m not going to care about what happened to you. Even though you are not talking about me, I will jump in to tell you to pamper me. Sugarcoat your horrible experiences so that my fragile ego isn’t mutilated. Please don’t call out men on their wrongs. Don’t get louder. 

The real deal about men vs. #notallmen

Okay, genuine questions.

  1. #Notallmen taskforce sincerely doesn’t think that women talking about their horrible experiences are talking about you specifically unless you have misbehaved?
  2. Before talking about something remotely related to women issues, should we mention #notgurgaonwalagullu #notthemaninmydms, #notmenwithfragileego, and #nottehrandommanonline? Will this be enough?
  3. Why do you need an ego boost and a noble prize when #allwomen talk about rape, violence, patriarchy, and experiences correlating aspects of gender conditioning to physical and psychological harm?
  4. When men make fun of women driving crazy, wives being nagging, or being bad at Math, do they use #notallwomen or remind others as a disclaimer? Even though men cause more accidents than female drivers. Why don’t you scream #notallwomen are crazy, and #allwomen have been violated at some point in their lives?
  5. Why do you get defensive when you did nothing wrong? Is someone calling you by your name? Why are you afraid if you are not like that? Why do you get upset if you already treat women right?
  6. Why do you resort to mansplaining, name-calling, slut-shaming, and rape threats if you are #notallmen?
  7. Why do womxn get bombarded by unwanted dick pics, unsolicited mansplaining, and repulsive rape threats more than men?

It fascinates me to think about how some men can feel insulted if they didn’t do anything wrong. Because whenever there is a conversation about women issues, the men in question are rapists, abusers, and patriarchal asses who go to any lengths to assert dominance. That’s the general idea.

Feminist men vs. #notallmen

I know more feminist men than women. Some men and women still think that feminism hates men. Feminists can’t have a healthy relationship.

As a matter of fact, they have a healthier and balanced relationship sans gender roles since they treat their partner equally and offer them the space to be vulnerable and themselves.

Thankfully, men would like to create a better environment for women in their lives, so their mothers, sisters, wives, and children feel safe and equal around them.

But #notallmen are like them. They are willing to challenge the inherent entitlement and regulate the constant desire to explain 5Ws+1H to women even after growing up in a patriarchal society.

If you are a part of the #notallmen brigade, make sure not to tell women how you are not one of those men they talk about. If you are a part of the #notallmen brigade, then you must know some of those men. Teach them better. Help them change and make this world a better place to live in. And you are good to go.

I think we will all do better only if we treat each other with basic humanity and respect. Oh, my bad! Is that too much? Am I being unreasonable?


Lovey Chaudhary

A communications major, academic researcher, author, sunset photographer, and hardcore marketing professional with experience of over 6+ years in the industry, Lovey is always looking up witty ways to address taboo subjects in a simple yet hard-hitting manner.

Be it environment, women's and men's rights, political climate, or how to get a new boyfriend after the breakup. Femonomic talks about it all. If you have 137 opinions about what goes around, send them to us at getpublished@femonomic.com. 

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